Resolve, in my own definition, is the power of will from within your soul to follow your heart’s ambition and to do just that without letting the world get in the way (i.e., not letting the nay-sayers plant the seed of negativity in your head). I want to clarify what it takes to make this resolve happen and the rewards that follow as a natural result to its logical end. I suppose the best example is from my own personal experience.
Until recently, I haven’t understood why I have low self-esteem or why I use that as a crutch in my life and in my interpersonal relationships. I am weak in the fact that I care too much about what other people think about me. I am scared that people will view me as incompetent if I make mistakes because, irrationally, I convince myself through that overpowering mechanism of rationalization (which is pathological really) that no one makes mistakes and thus if I make any, I am an imbecile – an over-muscular buffoon whose biceps are bigger than his head. This deeply engrained self-deprecatory attitude has made me a relatively passive person, which has disabled me from forming any of my own resolute opinions. As of late, I am beginning to develop a new resolve by using the two constants in my life: exercise and Faith (i.e., faith in Christ).
Exercise has built me up over the years. I don’t go to the gym 6 days a week because of an temporary passion, which like all emotions, comes and goes. I go because my workouts have taught me discipline, commitment, dedication and patience (I didn’t get my body overnight, but that’s not the point here). The point is that, much like exercise, my faith in Christ has given me all the same values. Faith doesn’t happen overnight unless, like St. Paul, Jesus makes a straight-up appearance right to your face in order to rock your world. No, this is not the case for me nor is it likely for you, but who knows? God works in mysterious ways after all. I digress… Exercise and Faith, no matter how irreconcilable they may seem, have given me the resolve to move forward in my life to become the strongest and kindest “me” in this world. How do I make this happen? First and foremost, I don’t believe that God condemns exercise because nowhere in the Bible does it say that we shouldn’t take care of our bodies. Second, I have the capacity to say a big “fuck-you” to the people who think it’s immoral to workout because “people only work out for superficial aesthetics” and “sexuality (being related to aesthetics) is immoral”. Why does our culture condemn sexuality? God invented sex! He gave it to us as a ultimate form of pleasure. We need to learn to put it in its proper place – a reward for your commitment to your spouse. Sexual immorality is a plague in this world because we don’t know sex as it truly is to be understood. Alright, done with the sexuality rant, sorry. Third and finally, my dedication to exercise provides me with positive energy to thwart whatever negativity may come my way and my commitment and obedience to Christ fills me spiritually and serves as a reminder that ultimately we are called to love everyone, especially our enemies. Now then, my new resolve, psychologically manifested as a bright blue flame within my soul, is to be strong, kind, loving, patient, obedient, dedicated, and committed to two things: 1) love myself so that I may 2) love others as I love myself.
When you are searching for your resolve, what you must do is find your values and don’t rely on immediate emotionality to get you there. Yes, passion is the spark that gets the ball rolling, but in the totality of the situation, emotions come and go and the only thing you can truly rely on is the dedication and commitment that comes from years of doing your thing. Throw your hand up to the nay-sayers and live as you are called. We all have our gifts to share with the world, and we must dig deep to find them. The ultimate rewards for following your heart are hope and love; hope in becoming the best possible you, which enables you to first love yourself in order to love others as we are called to do. Push on, and never lose hope because hope is what you need to live when darkness closes in around you, ready to ensnare your soul. Rebuke the darkness! Ignite your soul, and build your character. You cannot be replaced, so fulfill the existence that was meant for you!